6 Key Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, According to Therapists

—Malte Mueller—Getty Images“Emotionally unavailable” has become one of the most common—and least precise—labels in modern dating.People use it to describe everything from a partner who won’t open up to someone who shuts down during conflict. But therapists say the term can mean different things depending on the relationship—and that it’s often more useful to look at specific patterns than rely on a catch-all label.“It’s not a clinical term,” says Alexandra Solomon, an assistant clinical professor at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and author of books including Loving Bravely. “If my client says, ‘My partner’s emotionally unavailable,’ the next thing I’m going to say is, ‘Paint a picture for me.’”She also encourages self-reflection. If you feel like your partner is emotionally unavailable, ask yourself if you’re approaching them in a way that helps them stay open. “If I’m wanting open-heartedness from my partner, part of the responsibility is on me to approach them in a way that’s inviting rather than demanding—to approach with curiosity rather than certainty,” she says. “Assume benevolence, rather than malevolence.”From there, it helps to get concrete about what you’re experiencing in your relationship. We asked Solomon and other experts to break down what emotional availability actually looks like, and how to tell when it’s missing.What “emotional availability” really meansAt its core, emotional availability is about the ability—and willingness—to engage with feelings, both your own and your partner’s.It means being open to vulnerability, able to express what you’re feeling, and responsive when someone shares something meaningful. That’s…

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